Absent Minded Professor Matt!

This whole forgetful nature of mine is really getting to be a major source of stress now. It was always there with me. I remember being this way ever since I can remember. Papa beat me to death on this while growing up, but I wonder why I have never been able to correct myself on this. Its as if there is a chip in my brain thats been defective since birth.
Leaving the bicycle after taking it to a shop. Buying Sugar instead of Salt. Leaving my bag back in school and coming home. Been doing this ever since I can remember.
And I'm still goofing around with this. Left G's goggles in the car and gave it for servicing. Gave her an incorrect time for the flight. She keeps fighting with me on this and treats me like a completely useless guy. Just like how pa has always treated me while growing up. But I really dont know what to do about it.
I know from a third persons POV (like what Pa and G are) it really does seem like I am one crazy careless guy. But I dont know how to correct it.
If I actually break it down and dig deep into the problem, my explanation is something like this. My brain seems to require an excessive amount of relaxation. Far more than todays career centric environment allows you to be. Its why I have always required more sleep than any of my friends while growing up. Its why I used to have the craziest headaches every time I pushed myself more than I should be. So what happens now is that my brain is constantly working when it needs to be, like at work and stuff, and the moment it finds an opportunity to relax, it just switches off. So I instantly forget things. I forget the security procedure after collecting the boarding pass at new airports. I miss out on small things if I have not done them before and if I am not aware of the routine. I rely on 'flow' more than being conciously aware of what I am doing. Brain just doenst seems to work at all times I am awake. I needs to rest even when I doing regular work, and the moment it gets an opportunity (not focussing at while staring into my laptop) it decides to switch off. Or rather, work in sort of a semi-hibernation mode, where 'flow' kicks in, and in case of a routine not done before, tends to goof up.
But thing is, other people can understand or fathom this even. And in the process, I keep pissing them off.
I dont know, I'm probably still just giving excuses here. But even just today morning, I openend my bag and didnt find the laptop there and immeditaly got stressed thinking if I have lost it, when I had actually just taken it out yesterday to work on it. Just completely slipped my mind for a second that I had taken it out, and ended up stressing myself out more.
And all this stress is also not good for me. I'm stressing myself more lately coz the stakeholders have increased. When I was young, only Pa cared. Now there is G, G's family, my family, ppl at work. All getting affected because of my absent mindedness, which makes me berate myself more everytime I screw, which increases stress, and all because of that dam defective chip!
People always blamed me for 'selective hearing'. I managed to prove through medical tests that I indeed have a hearing problem. Really wish I could do the same here as well. But will not change anything anyway. G still has a problem when I dont hear her properly. Proving that I have a dysfunctional brain is not gonna get me any brownie points either.
So basically I am in a state of impending doom. I will continue to not hear, continue to be absent minded. Will continue to try not to be, but may not be able to escape what is medically a shortcoming in me, and continue to piss people off, continue to increase my stress levels.
wow!

Its alive!

April 27, 2015

Most people are scared a decision they make will go wrong, so they let others decide for them, and they can just blame them when things go wrong. But this is silly because 

1- it's your life, so why will you live with a decision someone else has made irrespective of whether it works or not.

2- if the parties we are talking of is parents choosing a spouse for their kid, then it's not like parents will disown you if you make your own decision. They don't have an option but to stick by you, and will always understand you irrespective of what happens. 

- speaketh the free spirit who once woke up with a bedsheet mark of a bird on her hand, which she now wants to get tattooed on her back. Speaketh the spirit who said no to a guy who chased her for months wanting to marry her in spite of it reaching the level of parents just coz she felt she wasn't in love with him. 

Sept 3, 2011


About the girl:

The girl's most sensual organ.. is her skin. Period.

The g-spot is really hard to find. What's stranger is that very few even know where to look for it!

If you are thinking of someone else during sex, you're practically jerking off.


About yourself:

Successful people are the ones who always talk aloud. It's just as simple as that. Coz when you talk aloud, you show confidence. Successful people aren't the smart ones, they are the confident ones.

You should challenge the people around you. You should challenge the situation. Be aware that there is a risk, but take it nevertheless. And you should aim at coming out winning peace. That's how you should live life



About relationships:

Couples anyway have to fight, so its better if its about the petty things. Why do couples fight? Because girls love finding faults in situations (no matter how impractical the guy believes it is) because girls love getting pampered and getting the attention when they make the fuss. So guys have to just shut up and give it. Don't complain. its the way girls are made. Don't fret u are fighting. Be glad u are. And keep it to the petty things. Will ensure the marriage lasts.


About Paranoia:

Definition 1: The mind is moving on, and you just don't know where.

Definition 2: You believe you are fine, but people around you just don't get it. In fact, they just don't see your point and keep trying to tell you that you are not ok. Truth is, they are the ones who need help, not you!

Definition 3: You always think people are talking about you. Sometimes they dont even exist, but you hear voices.

How do you come out of paranoia?
Simple. Challenge the people around. Challenge the situation. If you believe people are talking about you. Go and ask them. Actually, before that, just face them. Look them in the eye. Don't shy away. First confirm that they exist and they are talking. Then challenge them. Ask them if they have a problem with you. The more you hear from people that they are not talking about you, the more you get convinced, the faster you get out of paranoia.


April 28, 2013

Lord of the winds

His knowledge of wind is astounding. So there is one small window in the dry balcony open, all other doors closed, and the main balcony open, and the wind is blowing furiously from the main balcony to the dry balcony. We smoke peacefully near the main balcony, or anywhere in the path of the wind, and the smoke goes straight out. You can adjust the wind by closing or opening the balcony door. It was just unbelievably well done. Apart from other knowledge, he seems to be the Lord of the winds too.

Shiva, weed and sex

The Shivlingam is not the male organ of virility, but actually the female G spot! How? Because of the base of the Shivlingam that is there as part of every Lingam that tends to go unnoticed. Think about it..

Shiva smoked up a lot as well. Now connect the 2 things most common to Shiva – weed and sex. That’s why the combination of the 2 are supposed to be the Perfect Orgasm

The Perfect High

Is not about substance and what you can do with them, but the way you live life. Live it perfectly, and that’s the Perfect High

The weakest part of a word

The last vowel in some words are what changes most between words of different languages. You tend to notice most of the word being the same, and just the last vowel changing. This is what made the difference between launguages we know of today. Just the last vowel changing, making it the weakest part of a word

Cant beat it, join it

Take Ganpathy. People find it such a nuisance sometimes. So the best way to deal with it, is to actually get into it. You can get a work out maybe with all the dancing, and actually even enjoy it. So its no longer a nuisance. So do that for everything that bugs you. Get into it, completely. And you find something in it that you like and make you enjoy it

Sept 14, 2013

Sikhs and smoking

It's not smoking, as much as the consumption of tobacco that is considered taboo among Sikhs. 

Even trimming facial hair is taboo, and every Sikh does it, so smoking is hardly an issue these days. 

But yes, smoking openly, and begging, are 2 things very unlikely to see a Sikh do. 

Sikhs consume a lot of weed though. It started with guru Govind itself. Sikhs then were guirilla warriors, and forced to eat tree barks. So to digest food, they are weed. Of course, many used it to numb their minds from physical and mental pain too. But weed is totally allowed, smoking amongst Sikhs is not. 

The Obituary

Shareen – the first girl I went out with, first girl I kissed. Still remember those days in school. The times we sneaked to the top floor of Sena Vihar, times we spent together. Can’t believe she’s gone..
She passed away on May 19, and I got to know about it today morning, a whole week after the incident.
“Dumma, did you see the mail from Pratyoosh?”
“No dude. Why, what happened?”
“Dude, its about Shareen. Pratyoosh mailed saying she passed away”
“WHAT”
That was my morning conversation today with China. He called when I was sitting with my colleagues in the canteen. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I had chatted with her barely 2 weeks back. Been trying to get hold of that conversation, but realized it happened on FB, and unlike gtalk, it doesn’t get saved. Really really wish I could have saved that conversation. It was the best possible chat we had in the last 10 years. Guess its one of those things that will just go down in memory and never be recorded anywhere.. but towards the end of this blog, I will put down one conversation we had on gtalk. It was the last recorded one we had. We had decided to meet up in LOR then, and she stood me up. She was always too fast for me. She got bored of me in just 6 months and decided to break up. Life was always too fast for her back then..
But Shareen, was life really so fast that it had to come to an end for you??
I still remember that time in JVV – the last evening we spent together as a couple. Of course, on that evening we didn’t know it would be our last. But you were going to Vizag for a vacation. And the day you got back, you split with me. But before you left, you fostered no thought of it. I know it for sure. I still remember that evening we spent. We chatted and held hands like a cute little couple. And just before you ran off home, you gave me a peck on my cheek. Just the way I did on our first date together. I couldn’t believe you actually did that. Right in the middle of JVV, just next to the main road. It would probably be the best kiss I’ve ever received in my life. You ran away then, never to come back to me. And today.. you’re not even here..
You gave me your number the last time we chatted. What do I do with it now? I kept thinking I should message you or call you, but just never bothered to. It was really sweet the way we last spoke – 2 weeks back. It was the best conversation we ever had. Its sad I’m not able to get a digital copy of it. But you asked me about my marriage, about life right now.. and we even spoke about the times we spent together. We reminisced. You said we were such kids back then. Going to a spot in the middle of a forest, having a long chat, and then exchanging kisses – the first for both of us. All this while, I always thought that I was the only person who would remember that evening it happened. It was nice to know that you remembered it too. You said you’d never forget it – the moon, the trees, the kiss.. it was your first too..
I still remember 8th std. You wrote a “love letter” to me. Freaked me out. I called you outside school and gave you a peace of my mind. You were far too mature back then. I took 2 years to grow into the realization that I too like you. In 10th I asked you out. Quite crazy that was. On the terrace of Hari’s house party. I blurted “I love you” and you blurted the exact words right back. Not sure if either of us meant it. But we went on a date a few days later. Long walk around JVV. Few days later, we landed on the terrace of Sena Vihar. The day it happened. A story I never tire of telling. The day we both first kissed.
We chatted a long time. I asked you to play the stare into the eye game. We played it. Then we spoke about the way we kissed a few days back in the forest. Then I asked if we can play again. I meant the game. You thought I referred to the kiss. And just came forward and started kissing me. My first “smooch”. We went on.. for nearly 45 mins. It was our first kiss, and we couldn’t stop, couldn’t let go. I went to Pali’s house and spoke to him about it. Little did I know that he liked you back then. Really liked you. There was a moment on Hari’s terrace when I was doing my “I love you” blurting, when Pali just popped in, asking if we were busy. I said yes, and he scooted. He had actually wanted to talk to you that night. Tell you that he was crazy about you. Did you know this? Pali was completely in love with you. I got to know about it just few months back – on Feb 10th to be precise – the day before my wedding. It was bachelors party night, and we all got drunk and shared stories like little girls. Pali spoke that day – a rare thing he does. And he actually confessed it. The day I proposed to you on Hari’s terrace, was the day Pali planned on telling you the same thing. He just let it be, coz I got to you first, and coz I always dominated my friends.. (the bastard I was)
He used to tell me about a girl called “Prathiba”. He drew pictured of her. Lovely pictures. He painted them all. Beautiful trees in the background, lovely picturesque sceneries. But “Prathiba’s” face used to always be blurred. “She’s too beautiful” Pali would say. So beautiful that he cannot do justice to the picture of hers that he would paint. So while everything else in the picture was beautiful, “Prathiba’s” face used to be blurred. You know who “Prathiba” was baby? It was you.. Pali was madly in love with you. But he never told you. He never told me. He never told anyone. Just loved you, and lost you. Just like me. I won you for a brief moment. But I lost you too. You moved on. I wasn’t good enough for you. None of us were. You later said you found someone. I do hope he made you happy. You spoke to me like you did. I wonder where he was when all of this happened these last few months. I hope he’s doing ok..
I saw all you pictures on FB right now, while trying to find our conversation we had. There a few of yours and Shiraz. You guys were so close together. I actually remember going out with you once when Shiraz was also there. He would say that he can’t tolerate a guy looking at you. Somehow he was ok with me dating you. Allowed us to be at it for 6 months. I hope he was easy on you after that  but he only looked out for you. I’m sure he would have understood if you genuinely liked a guy. And in case you didn’t, I’m sure he kicked that guys ass for you  he was a wonderful brother to have. I’m so glad you had him. I can barely imagine what you would have gone through you when you realized he OD’d and passed away in Feb. You told me he had multiple fits the time we spoke. I was so shocked that I didn’t want to ask you for any more details.i should have realized you were more upset than you sounded. The very fact that you actually tried talking to me, asked me how my life was, reminisced about our past together – should have made me realize there was more than what you were trying to say to me. But guess I’m too much of a guy – too shallow – only understand the words spoken to us, not their innuendos. Wish I was smarter. Wish I realized you wanted more. Wish I asked you more about your life, than just going on and on about my life, and then dropping the conversation the moment you broke the news about Shiraz. Wish I could have helped in some way. Wish you were still here for me to call and hear your voice. I haven’t heard it in 10 years. The only times we kept in touch these last years were the internet – and that just a few times. The last conversation we had, I will never forget. Although I’m not able to find the conversation on FB, I will never forget the things we said. You were reaching out to me, and I didn’t realize it..
I was in Bangalore last Saturday. Met up with Bala and we chatted about you. I was telling him you messaged me on FB and we chatted, and we had a really good conversation. Little did we know that it was 2 days since you moved on from this earthly life. I called Bala today after I spoke to China and I told him. He couldn’t believe it. I’m not too sure, but I think you were the first girl he went out with too. First girl he kissed too.. Don’t know how he’s handling this. I’m handling it by coming home, switching on the TV with RCB batting, and not even looking at it, but writing this instead..
Spoke to a lot of people today. Spoke to China, Munda, Bala, Pratty, Aash, Geeta.. Spoke to all of them about you.. Couldn’t completely express to any of them what I truly felt. How do I tell people what you meant to me. I may not have any feelings. But you were, and will always be, one of the most important people in my life. Wish I realized it earlier, and called you back, or checked on you when we spoke. DAMN – wish I could have just been there for you..
I’m so sorry sweetheart.. But I hope you’ve found happiness now. I hope you are in peace with Shiraz now. You will always have a special place in my heart dear, and in the hearts of so many of us from school. We will miss you.. and will always remember you. Rest in peace my love.. You were a beautiful, smart, talented girl. Could have got to any place you wanted, done anything with your life you wanted.. But guess there was only one place you wanted to be.. I hope you’re happy. May your soul rest in peace……………..

6/21/07
me: shareen?
shareenv: hey
jms thats u??
4:13 PM me: yup.. wow.. didnt know i had u on gtalk
shareenv: how u been
me: hows u?
shareenv: me neither
not bad
howz life wit u
what u upto these days??
4:14 PM me: im doing great..
working at HLL rit now
in fact, chatting from office
just had a presentation that went off well
shareenv: nice...well done
4:15 PM im at work right now, too
we shud catch up sometime
4:16 PM me: pretty funny actually, this was a very important presentation and i was bugging my gf abt it last few days..
so badly wanted to talk to her rit now, and dont have my phone and she's not answering hers..
and look who shows up online ;)
shareenv: hehe
life is such
me: hehe.. we shud definitley catch up. where u now?
4:17 PM shareenv: im glad it went off well
who r u datin now??
still with tina??
me: no man.. we broke up a long long time back..
4:18 PM shareenv: oh
who is it now?
anybody i kno??
me: we've gone thru eons of change now..
dont think so..
her name's sindhu
she's studying rit now at MCC
4:19 PM doin her mba ther just like me
she's 3 yrs younger, but we'l graduate at the same time
been with her 3 yrs +
tats longer than tina.. :)
im stil the typical one girl guy
hehe
4:23 PM shareenv: GOOD FOR U
4:24 PM me: tat sounds mocking!!
:)
4:25 PM anyway, last i spoke with you, you were having a long distance wit a guy in canada (i hope my figs are rit)
is that stil on?
4:26 PM shareenv: OH YEAH
4:27 PM thats still on...i don giv up vry easily
me: ok.. why is ur caps on?
shareenv: sorry
4:28 PM me: is it by mistake, or are those exclamations really coming thru..
tats awesome man
shareenv: i gotta go now for a bit....illl talk to u later????
me: u've been dating him for quite long rit?
shareenv: im at work now
yeah
its been forever now
me: sure
ciao
4:29 PM oh, one last thing.. wher u now?
im coming to blore after an age this weekend
and staying for a week
shareenv: what do u mean??
me: r u ther?
we could try and catch up
shareenv: im working for Synchronised communications
yes for sure
v shud meet up
me: ok, not workplace. stayplace
where u staying?
shareenv: u off weekends??
4:30 PM me: should be good fun meeting u
:)
no.. im off work
i get relieved tom
its my last day of work!!
shareenv: meeee tooo
what say i catch up mayb tomm?
4:31 PM me: yo.. im in bombay man..
shareenv: idiot!!
me: coming to blore on sat only..
moron, who asked u to assume im there!!
shareenv: how the hell do u xpect to meet up??
ok fine then
4:32 PM me: tats why i was asking whr u now??
shareenv: tk my no.
9880761276
me: gv..
shareenv: call me when u r here
me: cool
4:33 PM shareenv: if i dont answer then im travellin, wait for to cal bk
me: man, lots of ppl to meet tis time when i come to blore
shareenv: fine if u r too busy then don bother
maybe another time
me: done
u stil riding that blue fatfati
shareenv: ?
me: im always busy
shareenv: hehe
no
me: and i always make time
dont worry on tat
shareenv: now its a blue car
me: sexy
4:34 PM which one?
shareenv: santro
me: always knew u'd pick a car before anyone of us
shareenv: its convenient
me: u wr the first to even get a bike :)
cool
shareenv: hehe
me: i dont even own cycle now!!
dam
shareenv: heeeee
im sure that'll change soon
4:35 PM ok i gotta go now
ill catch u hopefully
me: yup sure
shareenv: ciao
me: cal u when im there
take care girl
ciao
shareenv: u too darlin
nice talkin to u
me: u too
:)